Ten Signs That You're TOO Obsessed With Sherlock
by hallowgirlfrommars
Summary: Just a fun list!
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, this isn't a story, exactly-this is just a list that kinda illustrates my obsession with Sherlock, which I originally posted on my profile before editing.. Just for fun, please read and review!**

Ten Signs that You're Too Obsessed With Sherlock(that you might not get if you don't watch the show OMG WHY DON'T YOU WATCH?):

1) Every time you meet someone new, you try to Sherlock Scan them.

2) Whenever you're faced with a difficult homework question, you make a remark somewhere along the lines of "This is a three-patch problem."

3) You make a big deal out of trying to solve every crime on the news before the police.

4) When asked to write an essay for school on Your Role Model, you write TEN PAGES on SHERLOCK HOLMES (THE MODERN DAY VERSION) and then are informed that the hero can't be fictional. You then write one about Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss instead. (Or Benedict Cumberbatch and Arthur Conan Doyle)

5) You patted yourself on the back for weeks for picking "the same pill as Sherlock" in the first episode.

6) On the one occasion, you GASP worked something out BEFORE SHERLOCK you ran around in circles, screamed so loudly the neighbours called the police, called ALL your friends to tell them about it, and fell down on your knees before the TV screen in simple worship.

7) You had pre-recorded the start of the new series, put on your long trench coat to watch the first episode and threatened to place a marinating head in your mother's fridge if she DARED interrupt you while the show was on. She told you that your "obsession" "could be seen as something getting out of hand." You turned, gave her a look of utter contempt, and proceeded to correct her grammar. She _should _have said "Your obsession is a thing which could be seen as getting out of hand." Honestly.

8) When-I can't say it-THE LAST EPISODE HAPPENED ( and if you've seen it, you'll know what I mean), you did not cry-you merely sank to the floor in front of your sofa, with trembling lips, murmuring to yourself "Sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side" to keep yourself calm-as Sherlock would have wished.

9) You formulate endless theories about THE LAST EPISODE (Oh my God it's too difficult not being able to say what happened)

10) You memorise every one of Sherlock's retorts and use them in every situation you can think of.

And one for good luck:

11) Whenever someone tells you you're a Sherlock freak/ too obsessed/a total stalker/ you're a borderline psychopath, you turn, unleash a burning glower, and witheringly utter the following : "I'm not a Sherlock freak/too obsessed/a total stalker/a borderline psychopath, I'm a _high-functioning sociopath-_ DO YOUR RESEARCH." And then let them FEEL THE BURN.

**Well, there you go. And no, I have not done all of those things. I haven't, really. Honest. *squirms***


	2. Four Reasons To Be Friends With Sherlock

**Hiya! Thanks for all the great reviews everyone! Right, here's part 2-sorry if it's not as good-I've been revising all week! Anyway, here you go and this could kind of be second-person John's POV. Hope you enjoy it!**

**By the way, I-much to my regret- do not own Sherlock or any of the characters! *sob***

Four Reasons Being Friends With Sherlock Holmes is GREAT:

1) Last time you dragged him out to the supermarket and you ended up stuck in the usual long queue, Sherlock dispatched them all in less than 3 minutes with his Sherlock scan. Turns out, Mrs. Cromarty from down the road really didn't like having her husband's multiple affairs pointed out in public.

2) It can be quite fun seeing Sherlock's mistakes. Not his detecting ones-his little ones. Like not knowing the name of the Prime Minister or that the Earth goes round the sun. Last week, you were working out the crossword and one of the clues was which planet was furthest from the sun. You made a remark about the correct answer being Pluto and Sherlock said "Really?"

You rolled your eyes and looked up to tell him that you didn't need _another _remark about your comparative lack of intelligence-only to realise he was _serious_. That says it all, really.

3) Sherlock always manages to make you look saner than you actually are-though this comes at the price of huge embarrassment. Like yesterday-since you had confiscated Sherlock's cigarettes _again_-a move which could only end in disaster-you were just stepping outside a cafe, when, before you could stop him, Sherlock leapt forward, stuck his neck out like a meercat, and inhaled the cigarette smoke of some random passing stranger.

The looks you got as you dragged him away are still haunting your mind...

4) Let's face it, life with Sherlock is never boring. A few days ago, you were sitting comfortably in front of the television, watching the news, when suddenly the door crashed open, the light bulb smashed, and Sherlock was standing in the doorway like a bat out of hell, covered in blood, holding a harpoon and asking if you had any soup. He then proceeded to walk across the room, chuck the harpoon out the window, throw himself down in a chair and draw a jar of what looked very much like human eyes out of his pocket, before politely asking you to change the channel. At which point you leaned forward and asked him what the hell was going on. He looked at you, apparently surprised, and said "Oh, nothing." He then got up and began to play his violin.  
And let's face it, only Sherlock Holmes could pull that off.

And one for good luck:

5) Yesterday, doing birthday shopping, someone bumped into you quite rudely and then walked off without even apologising. They knocked right into your shoulder injury, too. Sherlock didn't appear to notice at first, but just as the two of you walked past the piggy banks, you muttering to yourself angrily, you noticed his hand shoot out and grab something. You didn't pay much attention really-you were still too annoyed about the shoulder incident. In fact, Sherlock reaching quickly over someone's bag as you passed them didn't really register with you, either.

As you were leaving, you heard a commotion from the front of the store. The same guy who bumped into you was now being frisked by the security guards, and was loudly protesting, claiming he'd never stolen anything in his life. Unfortunately for him, the security guy was holding up what looked remarkably like a pink piggy bank sticking out the top of Shoulder Guy's bag. Pity. You and Sherlock just grinned and kept walking.

And that is why being friends with Sherlock Holmes can actually be kind of brilliant.

**Well,hope you enjoyed it. Again, sorry if it wasn't too good-but again, it's just a fun list-please review if you liked it!**


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